How do you spot a romance scam before it costs you?

The clearest sign of a romance scam is a request for money, in any form, from someone you haven’t met in person, no matter how good the reason sounds. Before that request ever arrives, there’s usually a recognizable pattern: affection that moves very fast, a reason they can’t meet or video chat, and a push to leave the dating site for a private channel.

What are the red flags, in the order they usually show up?

The FBI and the Federal Trade Commission describe the same arc again and again. It tends to go something like this.

It starts warm and fast. Someone attractive and attentive messages you, often on social media or a dating site.2 Within weeks they’re saying they’ve never felt this way. The FBI lists professing strong feelings very quickly as one of the main warning signs.5

They want to move off the platform. According to the FTC, scammers soon want to email, call or message you somewhere other than the dating site.1 That’s not proof of anything on its own. Plenty of real people prefer texting. But it takes you away from the site’s reporting tools.

They can’t quite be there. They’re working on an oil rig, deployed overseas, on a contract with an international organization. The FBI flags avoiding in-person meetings or video chats, and plans to meet that keep getting canceled.5

Then something goes wrong. A medical bill. A customs fee. A frozen bank account. In FTC data on 2022 reports, the most common story was a friend or relative who was sick, hurt or in jail, which showed up in nearly a quarter of reports.2

And money is the fix. Usually in a form that’s hard to reverse: wire transfers, gift cards with the PIN codes read over the phone, payment apps or cryptocurrency.1 In those same FTC reports, cryptocurrency and bank wires made up more than 60% of reported romance scam losses, and 24% of people who lost money said they paid with gift cards.2 The FTC is blunt about this: only scammers tell you to pay with gift cards, wires or crypto.1

Is this really common, or just something you hear about?

It’s common, and it isn’t about being gullible. Pew Research Center found that 52% of online daters ages 50 to 64 say they’ve encountered someone they thought was trying to scam them.6 That’s people who noticed, which means many of them caught it.

The money involved is real. In 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam to the FTC, with $1.3 billion in reported losses and a median loss of $4,400.2 In 2025, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center received 23,159 complaints about confidence and romance fraud, with about $929 million in reported losses.3 Those are only the cases people reported.

Scammers are good at their jobs. They work from scripts, they’re patient, and they’re kind right up until the moment they need something. Getting fooled by a professional isn’t a character flaw.

Doesn’t a video call settle it?

It helps a lot, and it’s still the single best quick check you have. Someone who keeps dodging a live call for weeks is telling you something. But the FBI warned in late 2024 that criminals are using software to generate realistic fake profile photos and even fake video for real-time chats, to “prove” they’re a real person.4

So treat a video call as a strong signal, not a final verdict. A few things help. Keep the call live and unscripted. Ask them to do something simple and unplanned, like wave, turn the camera toward the window, or say your name. And notice whether the call changes anything. A real person who’s finally on video usually wants to plan a meeting. A scammer often gets back to the crisis.

What does this look like in real life?

Picture Linda, 56, who met a man on a dating site who said he was an engineer on a contract overseas. He was funny, he remembered her grandkids’ names, and after three weeks he said he’d never felt this way. He asked to switch to WhatsApp because he “rarely checked the app.” Video never worked from the site, he said. Then a supplier refused to release equipment until he paid a fee, and his accounts were frozen abroad. Could she help with $3,000? He’d pay it back the day he landed.

Every piece of that, on its own, could be explained. Together, it’s the pattern. Linda’s move isn’t to decide whether he’s lying. It’s to say no to the money, ask for a live video call, and talk to her sister before replying again.

What should you do this week?

• Make “no money before meeting” your rule. Not a judgment about this one person. A rule for everyone, which makes it easier to say.
• Ask for a live video call. Use the message below if it helps. Watch what happens next.
• Search their photos. A reverse image search can show if the same face appears under other names.
• Tell one person you trust. The FBI specifically warns about pressure to keep the relationship or money secret.5 Saying it out loud to a friend often makes the pattern obvious.
• If money has already gone out, call your bank or card company right away and ask them to stop or reverse it. Then report it at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov, and to the site where you met.15 You did nothing shameful, and reporting helps others.

What doesn’t the research show?

• FTC and FBI numbers count reports, not every scam. Many people never report, so the true totals are likely higher.
• The detailed FTC breakdown of lies and payment methods is from 2022. Tactics shift. Recent FTC alerts also warn about romance scammers who steer the conversation toward investing.7
• No single red flag proves someone is a scammer. People do work overseas and do prefer texting. The pattern, and especially any request for money, is what matters.
• A video call lowers the risk but doesn’t remove it, now that convincing fake video exists.